Making a career jump from leading projects to leading people is filled with learning curves. It’s learning the difference between managing tasks and cultivating personalities, between tracking progress and fostering development, between pushing and pulling. As I make this transition myself, I’ve been intentional about discovering alternative means to successful ends – I want to better understand how to lead those I seek to serve.
What I’ve found interesting is that none of the individuals who will become my direct reports signed up to follow me. Within days of accepting the new role my thought process changed from “hell yeah, let’s do this!” to “who am I to have this job and be these people’s boss?”.
The impostor inside reminded me that I wasn’t right for the role, that I wasn’t worthy of respect, and that I would certainly fail. The impostor made phone calls to mentors and colleagues and asked – no, begged – them for reassurance, for guidance, for anyone to agree that the impostor was right. By continually reminding me of my doubts and insecurities, the impostor was begging me to play it safe, to succumb to fear.
It would’ve been easier to let the impostor win
It’s true. And I think you know it’s true for you. It is almost always easier in the short run to agree with the impostor, shut down the thing that woke it up, and continue on the same path you’ve been traveling. Sure, regret will be found in the future somewhere – wishing you’d have taken the chance – but the impostor will remind you that you weren’t good enough then and likely not good enough now.
It took a few weeks of battle for me to subdue the impostor. I decided that I would no longer let it contribute to my decision making – except perhaps as a motivator. I was going to listen to it, and respectfully disagree. Rather than let it deter me, I would use it as the jumping off point for being better.
I quickly realized that I already had so many of the tools I needed to be great. I had…
- read books, done research, spoken with great leaders,
- taken surveys and personality inventories in order to learn more about myself and my own tendencies,
- watched videos online about earning trust and credibility,
- combined and synthesized information from numerous sources,
And I’m a dad!
That’s the one I wasn’t expecting. As I dove headlong into leadership and decision making resources, I found so many parallels between management and parenthood – and how to be better at it. My boys didn’t get to choose a dad out of a line-up and pick me. I entered their existence and have worked to be their dad in the best ways I know how. I’ve failed of course. I’ve been impatient, angry, lazy. More importantly though, I’ve apologized. By recognizing when I’ve made mistakes and being willfully vulnerable, I’ve earned trust, respect, and credibility – just like the books say.
The adventure of fatherhood is about building connection with your kids through vulnerability, honesty, and respect. And for the times when they need to be disciplined, their attitude towards being grounded or told “no” is going to be a reflection of that connection. Whether that leads to further outbursts and defiance is going to depend on what kind of leader you are.
If I can become a leader worth following – a dad worth choosing,
If I can teach my boys that the impostor is actually a nudge in the right direction, and
If I can be willfully vulnerable, ask for forgiveness, and maintain a healthy connection with them as they grow,
Then I’ll find myself worthy of the only title that matters: Dad.
Of course it’s easier not to. It’s easier to tell them that life is hard and no matter how hard they work there are just some things they aren’t meant to have or to do. It’s easy to answer “because I said so” or “because I’m the dad”. But how BORING would that be!?
The joy of fatherhood is this
You can make it whatever you choose. None of us have all the answers and none of us will be perfect. The beauty of it, is that we can choose to do the hard work – the emotional labor. We can choose to invest in ourselves for the benefit of our children. I’m choosing to look past my own shortcomings and make the effort to be a leader worth following – to be a dad worth choosing.
What do you choose?
Over the next few days, I’ll be sharing some of the approaches I use as a leader and a dad. It’s fascinating how similar the tactics can be! If you’re worried about missing out, drop your email below and I’ll send them straight to your inbox.
Check out the 901 Dad Leadership Academy: Part I here. Managing Tasks v. Cultivating Personalities.
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